Movie Talk: The Hobbit trilogy

Do you remember the Lord of the Rings trilogy? Not the books, I’m talking about the movies right now. I know that whoever you are the probability of you knowing the Lord of the Rings trilogy is very high, wether you liked it or not. If you don’t like it I do not consider you to be a human being, or even a being, which means that I have the absolute right to take your life since it doesn’t even count as life. Sorry, I get just a tiny bit agitated and say crazy stuff I don’t mean when it comes to people who oppose Lord of the Rings. But you should still sleep with your eyes open. Not because I might kill you, but because Gandalf sleeps like that and I think we should all try to sleep with our eyes open because he’s a cool wizard. Maybe he knows stuff we don’t. Maybe sleeping with your eyes open makes you more wizardly or something. Fuck do I know? I’m not a fucking wizard. Fuck you.

Back to the topic. I want to talk about The Hobbit trilogy. I will do it in a very calm manner because I think that getting your point across through civilized debate is the best way communicate ideas and opinions. It’s also important to–HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU FUCKING FUCK THAT FUCKING SHIT UP YOU MOTHERFUCKING CANCERPERVERTS?! PETER, SERIOUSLY!! WHAT THE FUCK?!!? I DON’T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HOBBIT MOVIES BUT YOU CLEARLY COULDN’T FUCKING DELIVER! I LOVE LORD OF THE RINGS AND I LOVE YOUR VERSION OF KING KONG (I thought it was amazing actually. An interesting fact; Andy Serkis who played Gollum also played the gorilla in Peter Jackson’s version of King Kong. That guy Andy, he can play so many weird characters and I think he is one of the most unique actors ever) BUT THE HOBBIT TRILOGY IS SHIT!! THE FIRST ONE WAS PRETTY GOOD AND THE SECOND ONE WAS PRETTY GOOD IF YOU WATCH THE EXTENDED VERSION BUT THAT THIRD ONE JUST RAPED THE LIVING LIFE OUT THE WHOLE SPIRIT OF MIDDLE-EARTH!

And that is my three years late review of The Hobbit movies. I hope you like it, because I will review a bunch of stuff on this reasonable blog. Probably in the same calm manner.

Fuck it, I will make a fourteen years late review of Lord of the Rings movies as well. It’s almost literally my bible. I watch all three movies at least once a year although I think I might have watched it twice this year. I will make that three times, believe me. I have grown up with the movies and lots of inspiration and strength has been given me because of them. No other movies can make feel so much after such a long, long time. When I am like eighty years old I will still watch those movies and I will be able to say that I have watched them since I was ten and I never stopped. Except for that period when I discovered my passion for rap and kind of forgot about Lord of the Rings. Then, for some reason, I rediscovered my love for Lord of the Rings. I wonder what that reason was. Oh, right. It was the The Hobbit trilogy. I watched An Unexpected Journey and right afterwards I watched Lord of the Rings to cure my deep nostalgia for Middle-Earth. And to cure that nostalgia even more I had to read The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings and even Silmarillion. And then I bought the audiobook for The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings which I listen every night when I go to sleep. I literally think that none of this would have happened if it wasn’t for Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit trilogy.

I guess that The Hobbit movies aren’t that bad. Sorry Peter. As if you read my blog. Or maybe you are? Fuck do I know? I’m not a fucking wizard. Fuck you.

Författare: Andreas Blaustein

Funny blogger, depressing author

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