The cold hand of Death

Sorry I didn’t write anything yesterday but I have a pretty good reason. I almost fucking DIED! Yes! Death almost caught me yesterday! I mean, that wouldn’t have been much of a problem but I wanna die in a cool way. I want to fall from somewhere high (for whatever reason) and pretend that I am flying the seconds before I turn into some kind of pulp as I hit the ground. You might ask why I’d rather die like this and even if you didn’t ask I will answer your question. Just imagine the acceptance you would have to force yourself to feel, since you can’t stop yourself from falling to the ground. You will have to decide to either panic your pants shitty or just accept your oncoming death. Considering that we’re talking about the last moments of life, I’d rather accept what would come. And that’s why I’d like to die by falling from somewhere high and pretend that everything is great and cool and awesome before hit the ground.
About yesterday though, when I almost died, there was a car and the driver didn’t see me because it was kind of dark but he managed to stop like half a meter before he hit me and then I cursed at him so much that I am not sure if he rolled down the windows to apologize to me or curse at me, I didn’t really hear what he said. I just kept cursing at him as I walked away and then I was fine and everything was fine.

Actually let’s talk about cars, traffic and pedestrians. I hate cars and people who drive cars. They are the worst people ever. There’s something about cars and traffic that brings  out the worst in people. Drivers just seem to be angry all the time and I think that it’s because many people drive to and from work and a lot of other places which causes them to be stressed because everyfuckingthing in traffic is stressful. I just think that drivers are unhealthily stressed about everything all the time and that’s why they are so mad at all the other drivers. And when it comes to pedestrians who try to cross the road, I think it is more the drivers fault if he or she hits anyone. I mean, cars weighs ALOT and they go extremely fast and that calls for incredible responsibility from the driver. We’re all basically driving death machines that could easily kill anyone. Well, I don’t drive the death machines. I don’t even have a driver’s license. Yes, I’m a twenty-four year old with no driver’s license, so what? I made a fucking song about it what the fuck did you do? And yes in that song, that is by the way not even done yet, I say that I’m a twenty-three year old with no driver’s license, which makes that statement not 100% factually correct but still, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?
Anyway, I say, if you cross the road you have to look both ways and all, which is why the driver has to be one hundred times more observant. Also, jaywalking is a bunch of propaganda and stuff or whatever and I will let Adam Conover explain it in his video about this very subject because I’m way too lazy to do that. I like to complain, not explain.

Here’s the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AFn7MiJz_s

Wow, what a wonderful performance Mr. Conover gave us. I’m so glad I that my job isn’t to know a bunch of boring facts. My job is to curse, bend the truth and display my mental fallacies. I feel very… presidential.

Författare: Andreas Blaustein

Funny blogger, depressing author

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