#OPRAH2020

You have probably heard that Oprah Winfrey is allegedly considering running for president of the United States. Whether that is true or not is not exactly what I will write about. I will write about what I think about how people are reacting to this since I think it’s a very important discussion.

Look, we all know what Donald is like. He is so bad at what he does that he makes George W. Bush look pretty good. That’s how bad he is. And we got Donald right after Barack Obama, which was a huge contrast. One interesting thing about Donald though, is that he had no political experience at all. Which has, when you think about it, changed the game. Other people that has no political experience has realized that maybe they can do it too. The presidency looks more reachable, but also less serious. It’s a serious issue if people lose faith in the presidency, or for any leadership. If nobody believes in the leadership of a country for a long enough time it spells out revolution and revolutions are a gamble because nobody knows what will happen at the end of such a campaign.

On the other hand, which one is better. Oprah Winfrey or Donald ? Even though Oprah has no political experience at least she does not spread or encourage hate, polarize or lie. If she ran for president I believe she could win. Easily. She could give everybody something to believe in just by her name and that could be a cure for the polarized population of the United States. She could restore the respect for the presidency. She could encourage people to have some faith in their country again. If she did all these things, maybe that’s temporarily enough. Maybe what created Donald Trump will be his doom and the saviour of the current situation of the United States.

Still, I am worried about the whole thing. What if a bunch of unqualified celebrities suddenly run for president alongside actual politicians and one of the celebrities win? What if that celebrity does a terrible job? What if that celebrity becomes a dictator? I know these thoughts might be exaggerations, but if you think about it, two of the three things I mentioned has already happened. If the undermining of a leader position continues and grows, then who knows what it will be like in thirty years? I can only see bad outcomes. But for the urgent present, just to repair what has been broken, maybe we need someone like Oprah Winfrey.

Or do we?

Obviously, Oprah Winfrey would be a better president than Donald if you put them against each other. And a professional politician would be a better president than Oprah Winfrey if you put them against each other. We can not give in to the desperation that Donald has created and put wishful thoughts above common sense.

Politics should never be enternainment.

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#BRINGBACKDIRKGENTLY

Frodo is a very versatile person. In the ending of The Return of the King when he left Middle-Earth he landed right in the world of a genius author called Douglas Adams who wrote one of my favourite book series, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. They call it a trilogy even though the series has six parts and just for that it’s one of the best trilogies ever. Anyway, Frodo did not go to that series. Bilbo from The Hobbit trilogy came from that series though. The people who know, they know. Anyway, Frodo went to the holistic world of Dirk Gently. I haven’t read those two books though, I’ve only seen the show on Netflix. The whole name of both the first book and the show is Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency and the name of the second book is The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul. I just love how long and annoying the titles of the works of Douglas Adams tends to be and I will for ever write their full titles. Anyway, this post will be about that show and why I love it and I will of course complain the living life out of myself about the cancellation of this genius creation. Here we go.

Why I love Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency:
I can’t explain it, just watch it.

My complaints about the cancellation of Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency:
IT’S ONE THE BEST MOTHERFUCKING SHOW I’VE EVER SEEN. MY ABSOLUTE MOST FAVOURITE SHOW IS HOUSE OF CARDS AND THEY HAVE FIVE SEASONS OUT, DIRK GENTLY’S HOLISTIC DETECTIVE AGENCY HAS TWO SEASONS OUT AND IT’S COMPETING IN TERMS OF QUALITY WITH HOUSE OF CARDS WHICH HAS MORE THAN TWICE THE AMOUNT OF EPISODES. I ALSO LOVE GAME OF THRONES BUT THAT SHOW IS NOTHING COMPARED TO DIRK GENTLY’S HOLISTIC DETECTIVE AGENCY. WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE FUCKING MY LIFE IN THE ANUS BY TAKING DIRK GENTLY’S HOLISTIC DETECTIVE AGENCY AWAY FROM ME WHEN I NEED IT SO MUCH IN MY LIFE. 2016 AND 2017 HAS BEEN THE WORST POLITICAL YEARS IN AMERICA AND EUROPE AND IT HAS BROUGHT MY ANXIETY LEVELS TO AN ALL TIME RECORD HIGH. I FUCKING NEED DIRK GENTLY’S HOLISTIC DETECTIVE AGENCY. IT’S A FUN, CONFUSING AND SO ASTOUNDINGLY UNIQUE SHOW AND IT HELPS HEALING MY SOUL AND YOU PEOPLE DON’T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I NEED HEALING RIGHT NOW.

I. AM. BREAKING. APART. WITHOUT. DIRK. GENTLY’S. HOLISTIC. DETECTIVE. AGENCY.

And to those people who might think that I could just read the books. Fuck you. I mean, I will read them. Someday. But a book can never replace a show if the show is Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency.

#BRINGBACKDIRKGENTLY

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Burning Faggots

I need you people to understand that the word faggot used to mean firewood. It used to mean literally wood that you put in the fire as fuel. I also need you to understand that J.R.R. Tolkien, who wrote the holy scriptures The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, used the word faggot in the older definition which we now know used to mean firewood and nothing else. Can you imagine reading a sentence in The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings and a lovable character is said to throw a faggot in the fire? Actually, if I remember correctly, I think it’s only the lovable characters who throws the faggots in the fire. And there’s nothing wrong about that, I don’t even know why I’m making such fuss about throwing faggots in the fire. That’s where faggots are supposed to be.

Anyway, I’m going to listen to Frank Ocean now, he’s one of my favourite singers. Then I think I’ll watch the live version of Eminems’ classic song Stan, because this version features Elton John in the chorus and he makes the song amazing. By the way, do you know which one is my favourite character from How I Met Your Mother? It’s Barney because Neil Patrick Harris played Barney so well. I think I’ll watch an episode of How I Met Your Mother before I go to sleep.

Also, Ian McKellen is gay and I love him.

Bye.

Snakes in the Grass

Hey, Hello, Hi, What is up, When, Who, How, Where.
What a refreshing way to greet you all isn’t it? Even if it’s not I will continue to greet my readers in this way. Except that I really won’t because it’s too much work for me to do it. It’s way easier to say Hello. And it’s more fun to say Fuck Off. So my official greeting might become Fuck Off. Who knows ? I don’t. Do you? NO. Exactly. Shut up.

Today I will do something for you that’s never been done before on this little blog. Probably because it’s an extremely new blog but let’s just forget about that. In this post I will write you all a nice short story. I am a failed write so it’s an obligation to write short story stuff on a blog no-one reads–I mean that everybody reads. Anyway, here’s the story!

”The Drum That Nobody Drummed On”
By The Caveman

Once upon a time in Snakeland there was one brown drum that stood one meter tall. His name was Jameson. He had never felt like he fit in because he never got a long with the other drums. When the snakes of Snakeland drummed on him he could not resonate the right sound that so many other drums could do. Sure, it was hard for other drums too, but they always managed to practice and get the right sound. All the drums had practiced and found their sound by their twenties. Jameson was now thirty-five years old, and still he had not found his true tones. Worries began to seep into his mind and he felt desperation take hold of his every though. What could he do? All the other drums had mothers and fathers to teach them and the richer drums even had a snake mentor that could help them become professional drums. Jamesons parents had left him because they did not want to live in Snakeland anymore. They left their son a note saying ”This is Cratp and Junerah, you parents, and we hate it here in Snakeland. It’s impossible to lay in the grass on a sunny day, or any day actually, because that’s were all the treacherous mafia snakes are, you know the ones called Snakes in the Grass. They always try to sell us bananas and we always fall for it. They are just too good at manipulating us. We don’t even like bananas. Who the fuck does? Anyway, Snakes in the Grass are too powerful for us and we have no money left because of them. The reason we are leaving you behind is because you need to defeat the Snakes in the Grass so that we can come back and live in peace there. Or something. Bye!”
This only made him feel twice a failure. He could not find his right drumming sound and he could definitely not bring down the all too strong Snakes in the Grass mafia. They basically ran all of Snakeland through corruption and manipulation behind the scenes of politics. It’s a perfect system because it’s always the balloons that gets the blame.

One day Jameson met a snake who wanted to drum on him. Jameson felt worried but he thought ”Maybe this is when I find my drum sound?” and let the snake drum on him. Anyway. As the snake gently tapped his tail on top of Jameson he seemed surprised. His taps were very smooth and almost untraceable. Jameson had never encountered this kind of drumming before. All the other snakes always banged their head on top of him and slithered away feeling disappointed. This snake did the exact opposite. He was not at all rough, only used his tail and seemed satisfied. Jameson could not think of any reason why because it was the same old stupid drum sound he always generated.

”You are a very special drum. What is your name?”
”Jameson. What’s so special about me?”
”Have you ever heard about the dancing note?”
”No. What’s that?”
”It’s a note that make all the snakes have a seizure. It makes them twitch and writhe in such a way that makes it look as if they are dancing to a hardcore dubstep beat. You can find that note and destroy the Snakes in the Grass. It’s your task.”
”What? How do you know–”
”Jameson! Don’t drum fast, like the others. Drum super hard and at a slower pace. Eventually you will find your sound.”

Before Jameson could say anything more, the wise snake was gone. After this encounter Jameson went home and practiced his drumming. He tried to slow it down and drum really hard instead of going super fast like he had always done. He did this for days and days. He even forgot to go to his car job, where he pretended to a car for white people to ride through the town. On the fourth day, he drummed so hard and so slow that a new type of feeling arose within him. A fire he had never in his life felt before. Jameson wanted to fight and throw his head a round in a wild… dance. He had found the dance note! He did not know how he knew it, but this was the dance note!

That same night he went to the meadow where Snakes in the Grass had their headquarters, and he started drumming. Nothing happened. He kept going, even though it was hard to muster the strength that was needed. Suddenly, the members of Snakes in the Grass started to jump up in the air and they twitched so beautifully. The wise snake from before did not say how pretty the dance would look, but oh, how beautiful it all was. When all the snakes were dead the wise snake reappeared.

”Jameson! I am obliged to tell you what happened to your mother and father.”
”How do you know?”
”Because I know stuff, idiot. They are dead. They died years ago. And you did all this in vain. The other members of Snakes in the Grass will search for you and kill you. I don’t understand why you didn’t gather all the Snakes in the Grass in one place before doing this. You made everything worse. Thanks. I’m out. Bye!”

Jameson felt so disappointed in himself that he started drumming the super hardcore beat again. This time, he drummed so hard that he felt his soul slowly shatter. Soon, he exploded and was never again seen by any any living snake, drum, white person or balloon.

Do you support Donald Trump?

Hello my readers… I will tell you a story now. A story of how one can accidentally damage their very own cause. The inescapable time has come to talk about Donald Trump, since it’s already too late not to talk about him because he won the election. Actually, I’m not going to write directly about him, I’ll talk more about one of the reasons that he could even get elected.
I live in Sweden and we have our share of racists just like other countries. The last couple of years I have seen and heard many people publicly oppose racist groups and the groups still grows.

Why?

The reason these racist people managed to become so well known and climb the ladder is mainly because of other people, and I’m not talking solely about their own supporters. What I’m talking about is the people who oppose these racists. Those people, me included, are all scared that the undoubtedly wrong people will come to power. But when the opposition constantly either talk about the racist groups and how bad they are and/or are joking about them all the time, the opposition is in many cases being counterproductive. The cliché expression ”No publicity is bad publicity” is very true for the reason that if a name is in circulation it means that the name still gets attention which means that at least some people listen to the name and depending on how many people really are listening the the name it will determine the power of the name. You could be Adolf Hitler himself or even ten times worse than him but if nobody listens to you, why does anything you say even matter? As long as you spread the negative names in vain they will always have a chance for power. It does not matter that their name is widely hated, what matters is that their name is widely known.

I applied what I learned about racist groups in Sweden to the US election. During the campaign people were talking endlessly about Trump. All the things he said, all the things he did, his appearance, his racism, his supporters, everything. It’s understandable that all these things became so talked about because everything about the Trump campaign was so extremely bizarre and unreal. It stopped being a political campaign and it became a show which led to people never taking him seriously. Everyone ended up denouncing him and joke about him. Just imagine though, if you yourself was a Trump supporter. Is it not true that you would be offended by someone ridiculing the candidate that you trust so much? And when you do get offended, is it not true that you would love Trump even more than before? If you don’t believe me, change the name Trump with the name Obama and run the same example. If a white supremacist ridiculed Obama it would only strengthen your love for Obama. So if a liberal democrat ridiculed Trump it would only strengthen their love for Trump.
When people on social media posted anything that the Crazy Ol’ Trump did they also spread his name. Probably to people that didn’t even know that they liked Trump and if that post reached people who already did like Trump, their support only grew.

How much do you know about Bernie Sanders and how much do you know about Donald Trump? I can say for myself that I unfortunately know more about the latter because I have not been active enough in searching for information about the former. Just like literally everybody else. That’s what happens if you only follow the new hearsay from social media. Also the news.

When it comes to the news though, it’s slightly different. They have a certain obligation to report who is running for president, who is the presidential candidate for a party and who is elected president. This also means that the people have a certain obligation to know propaganda and manipulation when they see it so that whoever is running for president, who is the presidential candidate for a party and who is elected president isn’t someone who is flirting with dictatorship and tyranny.

The cold hand of Death

Sorry I didn’t write anything yesterday but I have a pretty good reason. I almost fucking DIED! Yes! Death almost caught me yesterday! I mean, that wouldn’t have been much of a problem but I wanna die in a cool way. I want to fall from somewhere high (for whatever reason) and pretend that I am flying the seconds before I turn into some kind of pulp as I hit the ground. You might ask why I’d rather die like this and even if you didn’t ask I will answer your question. Just imagine the acceptance you would have to force yourself to feel, since you can’t stop yourself from falling to the ground. You will have to decide to either panic your pants shitty or just accept your oncoming death. Considering that we’re talking about the last moments of life, I’d rather accept what would come. And that’s why I’d like to die by falling from somewhere high and pretend that everything is great and cool and awesome before hit the ground.
About yesterday though, when I almost died, there was a car and the driver didn’t see me because it was kind of dark but he managed to stop like half a meter before he hit me and then I cursed at him so much that I am not sure if he rolled down the windows to apologize to me or curse at me, I didn’t really hear what he said. I just kept cursing at him as I walked away and then I was fine and everything was fine.

Actually let’s talk about cars, traffic and pedestrians. I hate cars and people who drive cars. They are the worst people ever. There’s something about cars and traffic that brings  out the worst in people. Drivers just seem to be angry all the time and I think that it’s because many people drive to and from work and a lot of other places which causes them to be stressed because everyfuckingthing in traffic is stressful. I just think that drivers are unhealthily stressed about everything all the time and that’s why they are so mad at all the other drivers. And when it comes to pedestrians who try to cross the road, I think it is more the drivers fault if he or she hits anyone. I mean, cars weighs ALOT and they go extremely fast and that calls for incredible responsibility from the driver. We’re all basically driving death machines that could easily kill anyone. Well, I don’t drive the death machines. I don’t even have a driver’s license. Yes, I’m a twenty-four year old with no driver’s license, so what? I made a fucking song about it what the fuck did you do? And yes in that song, that is by the way not even done yet, I say that I’m a twenty-three year old with no driver’s license, which makes that statement not 100% factually correct but still, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?
Anyway, I say, if you cross the road you have to look both ways and all, which is why the driver has to be one hundred times more observant. Also, jaywalking is a bunch of propaganda and stuff or whatever and I will let Adam Conover explain it in his video about this very subject because I’m way too lazy to do that. I like to complain, not explain.

Here’s the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AFn7MiJz_s

Wow, what a wonderful performance Mr. Conover gave us. I’m so glad I that my job isn’t to know a bunch of boring facts. My job is to curse, bend the truth and display my mental fallacies. I feel very… presidential.

Movie Talk: The Hobbit trilogy

Do you remember the Lord of the Rings trilogy? Not the books, I’m talking about the movies right now. I know that whoever you are the probability of you knowing the Lord of the Rings trilogy is very high, wether you liked it or not. If you don’t like it I do not consider you to be a human being, or even a being, which means that I have the absolute right to take your life since it doesn’t even count as life. Sorry, I get just a tiny bit agitated and say crazy stuff I don’t mean when it comes to people who oppose Lord of the Rings. But you should still sleep with your eyes open. Not because I might kill you, but because Gandalf sleeps like that and I think we should all try to sleep with our eyes open because he’s a cool wizard. Maybe he knows stuff we don’t. Maybe sleeping with your eyes open makes you more wizardly or something. Fuck do I know? I’m not a fucking wizard. Fuck you.

Back to the topic. I want to talk about The Hobbit trilogy. I will do it in a very calm manner because I think that getting your point across through civilized debate is the best way communicate ideas and opinions. It’s also important to–HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU FUCKING FUCK THAT FUCKING SHIT UP YOU MOTHERFUCKING CANCERPERVERTS?! PETER, SERIOUSLY!! WHAT THE FUCK?!!? I DON’T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HOBBIT MOVIES BUT YOU CLEARLY COULDN’T FUCKING DELIVER! I LOVE LORD OF THE RINGS AND I LOVE YOUR VERSION OF KING KONG (I thought it was amazing actually. An interesting fact; Andy Serkis who played Gollum also played the gorilla in Peter Jackson’s version of King Kong. That guy Andy, he can play so many weird characters and I think he is one of the most unique actors ever) BUT THE HOBBIT TRILOGY IS SHIT!! THE FIRST ONE WAS PRETTY GOOD AND THE SECOND ONE WAS PRETTY GOOD IF YOU WATCH THE EXTENDED VERSION BUT THAT THIRD ONE JUST RAPED THE LIVING LIFE OUT THE WHOLE SPIRIT OF MIDDLE-EARTH!

And that is my three years late review of The Hobbit movies. I hope you like it, because I will review a bunch of stuff on this reasonable blog. Probably in the same calm manner.

Fuck it, I will make a fourteen years late review of Lord of the Rings movies as well. It’s almost literally my bible. I watch all three movies at least once a year although I think I might have watched it twice this year. I will make that three times, believe me. I have grown up with the movies and lots of inspiration and strength has been given me because of them. No other movies can make feel so much after such a long, long time. When I am like eighty years old I will still watch those movies and I will be able to say that I have watched them since I was ten and I never stopped. Except for that period when I discovered my passion for rap and kind of forgot about Lord of the Rings. Then, for some reason, I rediscovered my love for Lord of the Rings. I wonder what that reason was. Oh, right. It was the The Hobbit trilogy. I watched An Unexpected Journey and right afterwards I watched Lord of the Rings to cure my deep nostalgia for Middle-Earth. And to cure that nostalgia even more I had to read The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings and even Silmarillion. And then I bought the audiobook for The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings which I listen every night when I go to sleep. I literally think that none of this would have happened if it wasn’t for Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit trilogy.

I guess that The Hobbit movies aren’t that bad. Sorry Peter. As if you read my blog. Or maybe you are? Fuck do I know? I’m not a fucking wizard. Fuck you.