Mr. Big Dick

Hi everyone!

I just wanted to let you know that I’m back from Italy. I could tell you how nice the trip was and what I did there and stuff like that. I won’t. I’m just writing this post to tell you that Mr. Big Dick is back in town. I’m on my way right now to see how his dick got so big. Maybe I’ll write another post about it or something. (The joke is that Mr. Big Dick is not me. I don’t know if that was clear enough, so I just wanted to make that clear #obviousandselfdeprecatoryhumour)

And yes, I will tell you how my Italy trip was. Don’t worry, of course I’m going to complain about it too! Me and my friend visited Milan, Verona, Venice, Bologna, Florence and Rome. I loved Venice the most. It is a city for intuitive people. Whenever you tried to go somewhere, you got distracted by something, usually a random cool place or a big church. I’m not religious but those catholic churches with ceilings so high such as I have never seen before made me kind of want to become a catholic just to be able to go to those churches and pray. Then I remembered that I would be too lazy to pray, and what I really wanted was to buy the biggest church and install a huge movie theatre screen and watch Netflix in there for ever. I think genuinely religious catholic people would love it if I did that. Totally. I would if I were one of them.

Anyway, here comes my complaint. The tourists. Especially in Venice. I hate them so much and I want them all die. Tourists are a plague that ruins everything cool about anything. Try walking over one of those small bridges over the water canals in Venice and you’ll see that there’s a fucking tourist asshole taking a picture in the middle of that bridge that EVERYBODY crosses. Do they think that ALL the people will simply stop so that they can take their useless picture that they will never look at in the future? Fuck you. Cazzo turisti. That’s fucking tourists in italian. Disclaimer: I used Google Translate so it could be wrong.

Now I’ll go think about idiotic tourists that ruins everything and completely ignore the fact that I was also a tourist while I was there. Bye


8448 by Andreas Blaustein

Here is my album called 8448. Listen and enjoy! Further down the page you can read more about my vision for 8448.

Technically, this is a political hip hop album but that description is only scratching the surface. It is absolutely influenced by political events but it is not about them. 8448 is about how I feel about the political events. It has left me with feelings like anxiety, hopelessness and fear. I’ve been obsessed of thinking about horrible possible outcomes of the present. Thoughts that has only fed itself up for every passing day. While trying to manage all these thoughts and feelings I also have a job to worry about and, even worse, a regular life to maintain.

None of this has been easy.

There are two books that has helped me better understand the world. Those two books are 1984 by George Orwell and 48 Laws of Power by Robert Green. Just by looking at the titles of those two books I think you can figure out how I got the idea for the title of my album. While working on 8448 I have been able to vent all the rot inside me and transform it into something positive. Something meaningful. Something I know that so many other people also feel.

Andreas Blaustein

Rant Mode: Queuing Up

Hello my beautiful (remember my last post) readers. I hate you all and I hope you know that. I just had to state that fact before we continue.

The other day I was waiting for the bus. It was late so me and some other people waited for a long time. In a very swedish fashion they all started queuing up, even though nobody told them to (a behaviour I just can’t respect even though I do it too). When the bus finally arrived people started entering. When I was about to enter, a lady said ”We’ve been waiting for a long time and I’m freezing, can I enter before you?” I think she must have forgotten that this is Sweden during winter time.. BITCH, THE WHOLE FUCKING COUNTRY IS FREEZING, WHAT MAKES YOU SPECIAL? YOU’LL BE ON THE BUS IN LITERALLY TWO SECONDS! I got so mad that I dropkicked her right in the fucking neck. Her head exploded and ninja-cowboy-aliens appeared to feast on her flesh and I’m of course lying, let’s continue the story.

I did the only thing I could do which was happily lettin her enter before me while hiding my hatred underneath a fake smile. I’m swedish after all and that’s what we do. I thought that maybe she wanted to get a good spot in the bus or something, but she chose the shittiest spot ever. The spot reserved for parents with strollers and handicapped people in wheelchairs. How the fuck can this idiot expect me to respect queues when she doesn’t respect handicap/stroller reserved seats? IDIOT! That’s when I walked up to her and smashed her head against the window until it all broke and I threw her out of the bus and I’m lying once again.

Wait. I’ve lied twice already but they say three is the charm… Oh yes, my little puppets, this whole post has been a lie. That lady didn’t ask me to let her enter before me, she asked the guy in front of me. Thanks to her a ton of people walked on to the bus and the corner seat in the back, which is my favourite seat, became occupied and I got so ANGRY that I had to write a blogpost about and lie to all of my one readers. YES I HAVE ONE READERS, SO WHAT? IT’S ABOUT THE PASSION, NOT THE NUMBERS!

Anyway, now you know my story of how I ended up sitting somewhere else in the bus than where I usually sit. Traumatic shit.